Motherhood Unfiltered Vol.3

One Mom’s Story of Loss, Faith, and Finding Herself Again

with Angel

A tender moment capturing the essence of motherhood, faith, and self-discovery, as gentle hands embrace tiny feet.

As a perinatal therapist, one of my greatest honors is holding space for the deeply personal stories of motherhood shared by the moms I work with. Each journey is unique, but a common thread I see time and time again is that motherhood is anything but linear,it’s personal, life-changing, and deeply beautiful.

I recently had the pleasure of connecting with Angel and learning about her powerful story of loss, faith, and rediscovering her identity. What I cherish most in these conversations are the real, raw stories, the ones that speak to the quiet, internal shifts that happen when we become mothers.

There’s something profoundly human in the way women transform pain, navigate evolving identities, and root themselves in faith. It takes immense courage. And while these stories are always unfolding, I’m honored to share a glimpse into Angel’s journey here.

How did you feel emotionally and mentally as you prepared for motherhood?

I was a late bloomer with my desire to be a parent.  I’d spent many years in a maternal role, definitely much earlier than I should have, and had determined that I didn’t want to be an actual parent.  Then in my late 20’s something shifted, maybe the proverbial biological clock, and I decided I wanted the experience of motherhood.  Though I knew I was on the family track, my first pregnancy was unplanned and a big surprise.  I was filled with anxiety and uncertainty, but an immediate and overwhelming love.

What kind of support did you wish you had during pregnancy that you didn’t get?

Our first son was stillborn at 24 weeks.  His fetal movements came so early that I was led to believe that I must have been imagining things.  So when they stopped, I wasn’t on high alert as I should have been.  The days following the realization that his heart stopped were some of the most horrendous of my entire life. I was not offered mental health support, I was not connected to the free resources for families of stillborns which would have done photo memories for us (found out later), I was not informed that though I delivered him 15 weeks early my milk could still come in and I would have to figure out how to navigate the physical and emotional pain of not being able to feed my baby because he is no longer here.  I did not receive information on how to make the milk production stop.  I was left to fend for myself and figure it out because family and friends had no experience and no clue what to do or say.  This was 19 years ago in another state so I hope things have gotten better and no one else has an experience remotely close to this one.

How did your birth experience shape the way you entered motherhood?

The anxiety that I experienced before motherhood has kind of followed me throughout.  Our initial loss intensified my anxiety during each subsequent pregnancy.  I was now a high risk pregnancy each time with many appointments and lots of monitoring.  My youngest son was born with a very rare medical condition and needed multiple surgical interventions during infancy and will have them periodically throughout life.  While anxiety has been a constant, it hasn’t overwhelmed my motherhood experience. The hormones from breastfeeding gave me an otherworldly peace throughout my youngest’s infancy.  I lean on my faith heavily and therapy gives me a space to leave it all on the floor.  Community has been invaluable and I try to establish a solid base with each move my military family has had to make.

How did you navigate the shift in your identity after becoming a mom?

Whew, I threw myself into motherhood and being a partner and lost sight of myself for a long time.  I defined myself by my role to my family.  It’s even reflected in my social media name.  It took me entering middle age years (and my children getting older and more independent) to finally realign and center myself.  I have started taking care of myself the same way I have taken care of my family.  It has been a benefit for the entire family and I really wish someone had pulled my coattails to this a LONG time ago.  I am modeling self care for the children now and being a better model of realistic roles and support for each other in a family.

How has motherhood influenced your sense of purpose?

If anything, it has helped me understand God’s love more and intensified my desire to serve.  Now, I’m responsible for instilling that desire in my children to be a light in this world and let it shine unabashedly.

Angel’s story is one of deep pain and profound resilience. Her journey through loss, anxiety, and identity shifts is a reminder that motherhood is not just about raising children it’s also about continually raising ourselves. From unimaginable grief to a renewed sense of purpose and self-care, Angel embodies the strength it takes to mother through it all. Her willingness to share so vulnerably offers a beacon of hope to other moms. May her story remind us that healing is not linear, and that in motherhood, there is space for both heartbreak and healing.